Cat interviews 'Jihadi' author
By Yusuf Toropov (and a cat)
(The following discussion was conducted by
means of email, the author having been foolish enough to enlist as a beta
reader a male tabby cat he met and petted several nights running on an obscure
side street.)
CAT: Hi. I hope you get this. Email back if
you do, please. I hear you’ve got a book coming out in February from Orenda
Books in London. Is it the same one you emailed me a while back? Jihadi: A Love Story?
YUSUF TOROPOV: Hi. Yes. That’s right.
CAT: Well, you’re in luck. I’m supposed to
interview an author of some kind. I was promised a can of tuna if I’d track
down a guest who’d actually written something. Are you interested?
YUSUF: OK. Count me in.
CAT: Great. Can we just conduct this via
email right now? I’m supposed to turn it in tonight and I don’t really feel
like going outside.
YUSUF: That’s fine.
CAT: Okay. First and foremost, why did you
insist on calling me “Kitty” every time you stopped and petted me last week? Didn’t
that seem just a little condescending?
CAT: Are you still there?
YUSUF: You know, I really thought
you were going to ask me questions about the book. It’s about a US intelligence
agent, Thelonius Liddell, who’s accused of terrorism and dies under mysterious
circumstances in a secret overseas prison. I’ve been working on it for a long
time. It’s my first novel. And so far, you’re a lousy interviewer.
YUSUF: Are you still there?
CAT: I did think you were going to feed me
at some point. That’s why I did that little dance.
YUSUF: Anyway, there’s this cat
named Child in the book …
CAT: So that
cat, a fictional cat, gets a name. And I don’t. I’m “Kitty.” A female nickname,
by the way. Do you realize how stereotypical it is to call a cat you’ve just
met “Kitty”? Particularly a male cat? I bet you insult cats all the time. I bet
you enjoy making dancing cats go hungry. Sadist.
YUSUF: No cats were harmed during
the creation of this book. I promise. Now, suppose you were to ask me how I
came to write Jihadi: A Love Story, which Publishers Weekly called “smart and
searing”?
YUSUF: Are you still there?
YUSUF: Hello?
CAT: Yes. I’m here. Suppose I make a habit
of calling you “Human Being” in this article.
Instead of giving you a name. Wouldn’t that signal a certain failure of
imagination?
CAT: Are you still there?
CAT: Hello?
CAT: Are there any other cats in Jihadi: A Love Story?
CAT: Fine. How did you come to write the
book?
YUSUF: One of the inspirations was
the Raymond Davis affair in Pakistan. You can Google that, okay? Let’s wrap up
here.
CAT:
What the hell’s that supposed to mean?
YUSUF: It means I don’t think you
actually read the manuscript I emailed you.
CAT: Maybe I would have if you’d seen fit
to spring for a can of freaking tuna fish, Word Boy.
YUSUF: Please. Let’s just tell
people how they can preorder the book, so they can see for themselves how a cat
figures into a multi-layered story that weaves an intricate path through
Thelonius's nervous breakdown, his botched overseas mission, his broken marriage,
and his conversion to Islam.
CAT: No.
YUSUF: Come on. I won’t call you
“Kitty” again. I promise.
CAT: Well. Fine. Go ahead.
YUSUF: Thank you. Click bit.ly/jihadi_novel
CAT: Just bring the tuna next time, man.
YUSUF: Maybe. If you actually open the PDF
I sent.
CAT: Is this about terrorists or something?
Give me something to go on.
YUSUF: It’s about extremists of various
kinds. And justice. And war. And the fragility of the human mind. Yeats said, "All
empty souls tend toward extreme opinions." This novel is about the process
by which souls empty themselves out. Or don’t.
CAT: You’ve been watching the news too
much.
YUSUF: Probably.
CAT: Okay, I’ve opened the file. Is the cat
a major character?
YUSUF: Yes.
CAT: Good. I’ll keep reading.
YUSUF: Thanks. I’ll bring an open can of
tuna tonight.
About Yusuf Toropov
Yusuf
Toropov is an American Muslim writer. He’s the author or co-author of a number
of nonfiction books, including Shakespeare for Beginners. His
full-length play An Undivided Heart was selected for a workshop
production at the National Playwrights Conference, and his one-act play The
Job Search was produced off-Broadway. Jihadi: A Love Story, which
reached the quarter-finals of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, is his first
novel.
I love it. I want to be interviewed by the cat. Or a dog. Or even a goldfish. I'm not fussy! Good luck to Yusuf Toropov, Jihadi sounds great.
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